2019 Poems
Face Value
I’d only ever heard the phrase
‘a face etched with pain’ before,
But as I look into your eyes
I now know what it means for sure.
It tells a whole story
just a few sad lines,
I guess no matter what you try to hide
The face betrays the soul sometimes.
I don’t normally take
anything I see at face value.
But your face is testament
to all that you have been through.
Every scar and every line
tells of how your soul was broken.
It recounts a heart-breaking tale
without a single word being spoken.
Every hurt and every loss
has left a visible trace.
A track of tears and despair
on your weary face.
Sometimes we choose not to look
because we don’t want to see.
But how can you ignore an ‘open book’
Displayed so tragically.
Diane Burgess 2019
Captive
Sleep,
offers no relief.
The quietude of the darkness
affords me no comfort, no peace.
Not even the rain
on whom I usually depend
can dampen this anguish.
My dear faithful friend -
I see you but can’t hear you
the silence so loud,
my mind taken captive
by a different kind of cloud.
Then through the miasma
a bird’s early call
I can hear it clearly- is this the salvation
That I’ve been praying for?
But through the fog that has settled in my mind
its refrain sounds so wrong.
More a lonesome portent
than a sweet morning bird song.
This bed more a prison
than my wanted sanctuary,
and I pray time will be forgiving,
be gracious and set me free.
Diane Burgess 2019
Untitled/Title Unknown
My mind screams out no more no more,
I haven't the strength to stay and endure.
I cannot face another second,
Another moment in this place,
I cannot remain here abandoned, stuck, floating in space.
My time is lost trapped in Anguish, trapped in despair,
Why is it that no one cares,
No one bothers to take the time,
To see who I am Is not a crime.
Just the remnants of a fractured life,
Just an echo of trial and strife,
One who travels the path alone,
Not knowing where to call her home.
I cannot stay where there’s no end,
No sign of love, no one true friend,
The monsters in my mind roam free,
Engulf me with insecurity.
Look beyond my smile and feigned content,
Please see my real predicament,
The monsters in my mind are here,
Surround me with distrust and fear.
Look beyond the facade of my steady gait,
And see the strings that bind my fate,
I am a puppet my world is a stage,
I am a prisoner, rotting away in a cage.
Look closely, please do more than glance,
And see the monsters that control my dance,
Please help me escape my chains,
And give me freedom in the life that remains.
Christina Wadeley
Depression
Depression cannot be reasoned with,
Cannot be kind,
Unseen but deadly,
It doesn't show it's face,
But moves stealthily,
Within the shadows of your mind.
It's only purpose is to trap you,
Keep you confined,
Leaving you isolated,
Desperate and maligned.
Self destruct comes easy,
Within its cruel embrace,
Scared and defenceless,
Only heartache in this place.
All good overpowered,
Suffocates,
And dies,
Leaving only desolation,
Emptiness and lies.
Lost soul soon withers,
Gets buried in the gloom,
Broken spirit crumbles,
In your mind you stay entombed.
Depression is an illness,
That doesn't care for penance,
It controls your thoughts and feelings,
Within a nightmare long existence.
Christina Wadeley
I don’t know
I don't know why the colour has left my world and I'm now living in a dark vacuum of black,
I don't know why I feel so worthless and empty,
I don't understand the raging emotions pulling me apart,
Ripping my heart to shreds ready to feed to hell's hounds waiting and snarling close by.
I don't know why I feel so alone when i am surrounded by loved ones who are my reason to go on,
I don't know why I feel such devastation and solitude, abandoned and forsaken,
I don't understand why I hate all that I am and feel all that happens that causes sorrow I deserve.
I don't know why my soul is bleeding,
I don't know why I'm hurting to my core,
I don't understand the reason,
I don't know why I feel such despair,
Or why my tears keep falling.
I don't understand what I'm doing here,
I don't understand what's calling,
I'm being torn so many ways as hells hounds bite and pull me in all directions,
I don't know why I'm writing this laying bare my raw emotions.
Perhaps I'm looking for a cause, a reason for my despair,
Perhaps I'm just reaching out hoping to find someone to care,
I have to stand so straight and strong to support my friends and family,
I have to pretend I'm all they need so they never feel like me.
I must hide the fact I'm nothing, trampled in the dirt,
I must not show I'm suffering, full of agony and hurt.
I don't know why if there’s a God why he would put me here,
A soul that feels devoid of love and only feeling fear.
I yearn for a world of colour, vibrant hues of pink and green,
I want a heart that knows I'm worth love and reckless dreams.
I understand that I will never see the world I seek,
I know this shroud of darkness will never set me free.
Christina Wadeley
Please hamster get off the wheel.
Why do you have to,
Have to run on the wheel,
That dreaded wheel.
Please hamster get off the wheel.
Are you not tired yet,
Tired of running,
Running on the wheel.
Please hamster get off the wheel.
Is the wheel going to stay,
Stay strong if you keep running on it?
The wheel might break!
Please hamster get off the wheel.
Please hamster get off the wheel.
It's really annoying,
Annoying and really needs to stop.
So please get off the wheel.
Christine Spooner
26/7/19
When is the meeting finished in my head?
Meeting, meeting, meeting,
Meeting taking too long,
Too long to get to the point,
When is the meeting finished in my head?
It has been going on for 5 minutes,
5 minutes on the same item on the agenda,
Is it time to move on?
When is the meeting finished in my head?
The agenda is getting longer,
Longer at the minute,
It's been going on for 6 hours,
When is the meeting finished in my head?
When is the meeting finished in my head?
I want to relax,
I want no more meetings,
Please be finished now!
Christine Spooner
26/7/19
At Night
At night you may dream
At night you may scream
At night you may think you’re on the winning team
At night you may cry
At night you may die
At night you may want chips to fry.
At night you may laugh
At night you may cough
At night you may need food to scoff
At night you may read
At night you may feed
At night you may not feel greed.
At night you may know
At night you may glow
At night you may not want to show
At night you may wish
At night you may fish
At night you may eat your favourite dish.
30-08-2019 DONOVAN SALMON
Fatigued
Your intrigued
Pain
You look again
Disability in my head
A comment is said
I walk
"You don't need...", you talk
I do stuff
Criticise, sure enough
Looking 'well' or 'young'
You have a nasty tongue
Unwell
You make my life hell
Trying to be positive
You are so negative
Disease
What your eye sees?
Weakness
It's my sickness
Judgemental
Think, be gentle
Unseen
Be green
It could be YOU
Out of the blue
Invisible!!
By Hev TC 31.08.2019
IT’S BEEN A LONG WAR
By Bee Cullen
As I wait in A&E
A friendly face sits next to me
Dressing gown and slippers on
A familiar feeling coming on
Almost hear a veteran’s song
Tells me she’s been waiting so long
Time isn’t as fleeting as we think
Doesn’t always pass by in a blink
I look up to the clock in front of me
A peculiar thing I did see
Second hand slows to halt
Time truly does wait for the old
“It’s been a long war hasn’t it?”
I smile, nod to agree with her wit
Not sure either of us know which war
Perhaps it was a metaphor
She sips her tea so delicately
Rolls her eyes at the doctors inside
Youth and beauty waste away
With age comes wisdom that may stay
Providing some comfort for a minute
Wonder if we were destined to meet?
Time’s relativity is not to be judged
However clock hands can be misjudged
The effect is a trick of your inner eye
Souls running on their own time
A 13th hour if the clock doth chime
Who’s to say when you are in your prime?
Think of dementia as time travel
Back to a time you could handle
A time of nostalgia and whimsical music
Different dancefloor definition of lose it
Time isn’t straight, time is a fusion
That is what makes us truly human
Empathy and honest connection
Who is to choose moral perfection?
Manic Episodes
It’s like a rush of steaM
Notes on a fasntasiA
Delightful straiN
Enchanting confettI
Speaking many a topiC
Cascading movE
Repetitions that never stoP
Incandescently hI
Bystander watcheS
As it reaches crescendO
Bangs down with a thuD
Liveliness becomes dilutE
Eloquence slipS
Frances Shakespear
LEGO
by
Bee Rose Cullen
Little LEGO rocket man
Wherever were you meant to land
You seem to have lost your helmet
I too lost my way a little bit
It’s okay tiny moon soldier
We can find our way together
You are yellow, wearing green and red
I am white with odd shoes on instead
It looks like you have lost a limb
I’m terrified of that happening
Don’t worry, I’ve lost the plot too
Somehow my brains turned to goo
We’ve found ourselves in a right mess
God help my haywire moral compass
Maybe your helmet shields you from
The careless, airless world we’ve become
I’m so glad I found you to accompany me
This turned out to be a funny journey
You have to laugh or else you’ll cry
That’s what the police say as they pass by
Thank you for everything galaxy man
Now life is easier to understand
You helped me finally let go
I know you’ll be with me wherever I go
L is for learning from every journey
E is for enjoying the experience
G is for growing from difficult times
O is for overcoming all your fear
MEDITATION
Just did some meditation
More soothing than medication
My rhymes are making me talk
Like a blackboard filled with chalk
I’m smiling on the inside
Like a bird may glide.
Feeling in the mood for writing
Make my life more exciting
My mood’s well in check
On my sweat top you’ll find a speck
Words come and go and flow
Like a ball that you may throw.
Poetry is a fine art
Like a board with a bulls-eye dart
Flowing well in black ink
Writing is when I often think
Coming to an end oh sigh
Not on drugs not feeling high.
30-08-2019 DONOVAN SALMON
QUESTION THINGS
You may question things
Like queens and kings
Wonder what life brings
As a voice in the choir sings
You listen as the doorbell rings
Hear metal as it chings.
You may question life
Like spreading butter with a knife
Are you a husband, are you a wife?
There’s a place in Scotland, it’s called Fife
You have no peace, but loads of strife
See what’s scarce, know what’s rife.
You may question your day
Black and white make grey
Cows eat grass and also eat hay
See what I do, hear what I say
Some may err and some may stray
Please get on your knees and pray.
30-08-2019 DONOVAN SALMON
Momentary Reflection
By Bee Rose Cullen
Drug Induced Psychosis
What a Diagnosis
Parallel Roads
Manic Episodes
Conspiracy Theories
Away with the Faeries
Locked in a Psych Ward
Never been so bloody bored
Opposite Attraction
Light Refraction
Memory Retraction
Doctor Dissatisfaction
The Birds and the Bees
Talking in the Trees
Glad to be Alive
1 2 3 4 5
My Life
My mind screams out no more no more,
I haven't the strength to stay and endure.
I cannot face another second,
Another moment in this place,
I cannot remain here abandoned, stuck, floating in space.
My time is lost trapped in Anguish, trapped in despair,
Why is it that no one cares,
No one bothers to take the time,
To see who I am Is not a crime.
Just the remnants of a fractured life,
Just an echo of trial and strife,
One who travels the path alone,
Not knowing where to call her home.
I cannot stay where there’s no end,
No sign of love, no one true friend,
The monsters in my mind roam free,
Engulf me with insecurity.
Look beyond my smile and feigned content,
Please see my real predicament,
The monsters in my mind are here,
Surround me with distrust and fear.
Look beyond the facade of my steady gait,
And see the strings that bind my fate,
I am a puppet my world is a stage,
I am a prisoner, rotting away in a cage.
Look closely, please do more than glance,
And see the monsters that control my dance,
Please help me escape my chains,
And give me freedom in the life that remains.
Christina Wadeley
RECOVERY
Recovery this time is a task
Happiness to me is a soothing mask
Coming off Depakote, happy days
Mental well-being, mend my ways
Coping lately finding it hard
Got my mom a birthday card.
Poetry for me gives peace of mind
Finding words that rhyme sort of kind
I used to think fast and rather firm
They say the early bird catches the worm
Finding myself again will be fun
Words flow like a bullet from a gun.
I need space from feeling ill
When by myself I kind of chill
Just four more lines I have to write
I sleep well sound, day and night
Freedom is a thing I love
Like getting blessings from above.
30-08-2019 DONOVAN SALMON
RAINBOW CHILD
Had a poetry book called ‘Rainbow Child’
500 copies took off, went wild
I’m mixed raced, was based on that
I used to have Lady, a black and white cat
My mind’s alive verse after verse
Not lying dormant in a hearse.
I like love, music, good vibes flow
When still or on the go
Morning broke was wide awake
Before Diabetes I loved cake
Words for me mean so much
Pen and ink my golden touch.
Making jokes I used to like
May do again, like riding a bike
Play the fool was kind of cool
Seldom went to secondary school
Got bullied a lot, it was living hell
Felt grateful hearing the school bell.
30-08-2019 DONOVAN SALMON
Sorry but I have to leave, It’s time
Desperation, desolation, all hope dies and withers in fate's blackened embers,
Destiny's fire once glowed red with heat but now lies in the dust and dissipates in the breeze.
Fallen, discarded fast losing faith in the dark abyss of life,
Lonely, bleak, shards of trust that dip and spiral forever downward.
Hell is waiting with open arms to hold and caress as a mother caring for her child,
The great pretender providing falsehood and lies that all will be well.
Pain and suffering, worn out, fatigued and expleted, heart not pumping, kidneys failing, body giving up and not responding to a broken brain's requests,
Eyes blurring not fully seeing, pancreas not producing, life slowly, but surely, depleting.
Sleeping, sleeping, sleeping, eyes clamped shut, be still the world and let me sleep,
I don't want this, I'm too tired, let me be, let my eyes stay shut, to stay shut for all time, please let me go, please let me leave.
Hands shaking, knees swelling, joints cramping, skin sweating,
Cannot swallow, drool runs down chin, voice slurring, cannot walk and stay upright balance gone, departed, forsaken.
Food is an enemy and I don't want it, stop feeding me, I'm too tired to eat, it's too much for me, just let me be.
Give me dignity, let me, Be me,
Let me, Be free.
Don’t cry for me, don't weep, shed tears, be sad, don't grieve.
No guilt is yours, you could not change what fate proclaimed, bore fruit, made true, don't anger, don't blame, it's no-ones fault. Be glad for me that I can rest, have peace, be still, be calm, be free.
I will be with you as I've always been, though you won't see me I will be beside you and watch with proud heart. You are my blood, and I will live on in you as I will through the generations after you. Do not be sorry when I've gone, be happy for the time we shared. You will always feel my love as it is in your heart to feel and reassure you always.
Christina Wadeley
The Colour Red
Rage circles me in deep red spirals of fire,
Anger lies waiting to spew forth through the cracks in my mind,
I breathe slow, steady, focused to quell the rising tide,
Dark red turns a lighter shade and the anger in me subsides.
Enveloped in rosy hues love caresses my open heart,
My family and my friends are with me, I know we'll never part,
Even in my darkest days my loved ones will remain,
I know we will stand together through any hurt and pain.
Shades of pink come calling mixed with angry reddened tones,
My life is a mixed up palette of chaos love and prose,
At times alone in solitude while everyone surrounds me,
At times no one there but in the midst of constant company.
I see not with my eyes but with the colours of my mind,
I yearn to be the best I am loving true and kind,
I put aside my doubt and fear and reach out to life's imagery,
My life is a palette of colour in imaginations artistry.
Christina Wadeley
The Rain Beats a Lullaby
I could not sleep
then the storm came in.
It made me feel the most serene
I had ever been.
The lullaby,
the rain beat
had sung me gently off to sleep.
I slept soundly
as lightning lit up the sky
and thunder clouds
rolled slowly by.
When I awoke
the bird sang.
The stirring storm had long since gone.
The air was fresh
the sky was clear.
No memory for most
that a storm was here,
but each night I pray
for the stormy rain.
So I can sleep peacefully
once again.
Diane Burgess 2019
WRITING TO ESCAPE
I’m writing to escape
A dried up raisin was a grape
To mend something use some tape
Batman and Robin a cape
Move that curtain, pull back the drape
Fake smokers use a vape.
Writing makes me want to shine
All lyrics and words are mine
I feel good, I’m feeling fine
After eight then comes to nine
Have a drink, have some wine
Some snort coke or take a line.
Writing is a heavenly gift
Some call and elevator a lift
Shall I move or should I shift
There’s a valley called a rift
That thing smelt, yes it whiffed
I’m well peed off. Yes I’m miffed.
30-08-2019 DONOVAN SALMON